Dear Fellow Public Transportation User,

Here’s the thing…there’s a reason why they call it public transportation. I’m gonna go with the fact that it is indeed for everyone. The train and/or subway is not your own personal playground to do what you want when you want.

To the future Miss Japan: perhaps the train is not the best place to apply a full coat of makeup to your already made-up face. Why don’t you just make more time at home and get it all on, so you don’t have to worry about poking your eye out with your thick black eyeliner pencil should the train jolt unexpectedly. And why are you carrying around a full set of makeup anyway? Considering how much makeup you put on, I’m thinking that it would really weigh down your bag. But I give my props that your balance is pretty good. Maybe that could be your talent in your next beauty contest.

To the older gentleman who finds it perfectly acceptable to stand right next to where I’m seated on the train and fart audibly: it is so not acceptable. Especially when your loud fart really stinks up the entire train car, and Japan is not a society that allows you to show your disgust and cover your nose with anything until the smell clears. And you know what makes it even worse is the fact that you had just gotten on the empty train, and the doors were only closing when you let a big one fly. So there was absolutely no chance of getting any fresh air, or getting away from you in case you should fart again. My props to you: absolutely zero. I still get grossed out when I think about how bad it smelled.

To the guy reading a book on the super crowded train: yeah, I saw you picking your nose on more than one occasion. A word to the wise, people only pretend not to look at you, but I’m pretty sure most everyone in our train car saw you and were secretly grossed out. Here’s a free tip from me to you, invest in a handkerchief, or at least pick up a few packets of those free tissues that everyone gives away.

And, lastly, to the person who falls asleep on the train: okay, that’s cool. Sometimes you get tired, and a gentle rocking is bound to put you to sleep. I don’t have a problem with that, but I do have a problem when you constantly fall or lean onto me because you’re so dead to the world. I don’t want to touch you and I’m sure if you were awake, you most certainly would not want some foreigner touching you. You’re just making life awkward for me, the person on the other side of you, or for anyone unfortunate enough to have to sit next to you once I get off at my stop. And a special note to those who fall asleep while standing up: you’re only supposed to use one of the rings as a handhold, not monopolize about three. And you should not fall asleep standing up anyway. That makes it really awkward for me because I can’t nudge you away from me when you lean up against me for fear of making you fall down. So, do us all a favor and resist the urge to sleep, or at least fight for a seat.

Thank you all for your time, and please take into consideration all that I’ve written. Should you have any complaints to lodge of your own, please file your written report and three copies of it at your local ward office. Thank you again.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Public Transportation User

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